My goal was to push from the get go and give what I could to the workout. Did I get there? Somewhat. For the fourth workout, I had a goal and was about few reps shy from it. I was slightly disappointed I didn't reach my goal. I MAY have done better if I tried again, not by much. That's why the disappointment isn't so bad. I got close to my goal. I didn't kill myself, but I did test my limits. It wasn't the easiest recovery, but I did recover. It was a quick and I was back to training with minimal downtime. Could I ask for more? If I did, I couldn't ask for much more.
I was happy with my efforts and happy to be disappointed. Who really enjoys disappointment? Being disappointed because you quit, lost your will, or gave up is one thing. It's a horrible thing really. Being disappointed because you were close, but know there wasn't much left is another thing. It's on the border of something to be proud. I gave it my all, acknowledged what I gave wasn't good enough, and I'm determined to get better.
The fifth workout was a different challenge. I'm making some great gains towards my figure competition. I'm training hard and keeping my diet in check. I never had huge problems with the diet...until this week. It was carb and fat cutting week and was lower in calories than ever. I was a wreck earlier in the week and slowly my body is adjusting. It isn't the optimal diet for Crossfit though. I had a few options - don't do the workout, ease through the workout, or just do it and see what the hell happens. So I did it. I pushed it. I managed to not pass out :) I got a meager 8+ rounds. I wanted 9-10 rounds. Disappointed still, but I know my goals were better suited to a better fueled body.
What this did tell me is that I can beast through a pretty jacked workout and come out surviving. Sometimes we never test ourselves in those uncomfortable situations because we have the luxury of preparation. We take our time to carefully plan things, create strategy, and optimize the preworkout conditions (sleep, diet, etc.). I didn't have all those. Diet was automatically out of my hands, which affected my sleep. My strategy was to not pass out :) I felt pretty strong on everything but the toes to bar, which I usually crush. It just didn't work my way this time. What did work my way were the power cleans?? Don't ask how that happened. I'm honestly happy with how I did those, which balanced out the disappointment.
Ultimately, I'm disappointed because I know there was an ounce more to give lurking somewhere. I'm enjoying it though. I like knowing that I can move my limits further than I thought. What was a problem today won't be a problem later. If you have the faith you can do better, take a step forward. Having high standards or raising your own standards is better than giving up on yourself.